The Goot Blog

Hong Kong Horrors I

This Hong Kong gig is a Nightmare. The "cast" is composed of misfits -- mostly from the Philippines -- who sing in church together and think this is the most fantastic job they've ever had. Tey all work, some until 8 pm ... some until 11 pm ... Never are they all available until the night of the gig. Their agent -- Babe Tree -- (I am not making this up) doesn't see the problem with this. They will learn it by watching the others. When?? Say I, on the subway coming to rehearsal?

Babe precast these folks and we were forced to make changes after a first listen. Her Phantom is a teenaged dancer who has no breath support, no sense of pitch and no vibrato. But he's quite handsome and does a lot of movies. Perfect, Babe. Christine, is a pudgy gnome of a middle-aged gal with graying hair and a snaggle tooth. No kidding. A fucking snaggle tooth. Our director, Dan Siretta, also sports a dental outburst which he swears he is having fixed when he returns to the states, after seeing Aurora's Bugs Bunny smile.

By the way -- Babe Tree is changing her name to B.A. Tree cuz her feng shui master said it would bring her more money. Fat chance.

The last performer to arrive at our Thursday 11 PM (!!!!) rehearsal was Willy H. -- he's a solo artist and seems to only be able to produce a vocal sound by planting his feet in a cowboy stance, bending his knees, gulping some air and letting a WAIL rip. Pitch doesn't seem to be something he's interested in replicating. He's an "event" -- his resume even says so. Luck for us, he's the one who can't seem to be at any of the rehearsals until next Wednesday which he told me during our private YELL-through of his Les Miz solo.

Babe seemed to be shocked at this news and agreed that we needed to find a back-up, but doesn't know of anyone who sings high. PERFECT!

My Producer is beside himself with worry, angst and consternation ( these are the step-children of "Faith, Hope and Charity"). He's passive aggressive, though and always seems to be putting on a good face for the client. He said that if he had his way, he would cancel our show and hire a rock band to entertain. He's not in charge, however, he's just the hired help. He's embarrassed and scared. TEEE-RI-FIC!

The director, Dan Siretta will start staging tonight (only 8 of the 12 --now 11 -- performers can come to this rehearsal). He's threatened to have them all sit as if on toilets and simply make flushing motions. (It's very Tommy Tune) He's a very funny man and has kept me in stitches with his impressions of the HK talent. That's good therapy.

I've simplified everything. Melody only. Back up vocals on the playback tape. There are three Chinese performers who have the "L" --"R" issue and I just giggle when I hear it. My name is particularly difficult for them. I've told them to call me "BIG V" -- this seems to work just fine.

I'll write more if the yuks keep coming. If? Ha! I saw some of the costumes arrive last night. All the girls were asked to sew their own gowns. Good lord, it's going to look like an Appalachia shot-gun wedding.

# posted by goots @ 10:20 AM