Thursday, April 02, 2009
Gratitude
Yesterday our friend Kate McKenna sent me this piece written by a guy named Gregg Krech at the OMEGA Institute (whatever that is). During these "easy to find shit to whine about" times in which we live, I thought it's well worth sharing.
Your eyes are still closed when you hear the beeping of your digital alarm clock on the small wooden table next to your bed. Your arm naturally reaches over for the black "snooze alarm" button when you notice that it's 30 minutes past the time when you intended to get up. What's wrong with this clock? Now you have to rush, but in a matter of minutes you find yourself unexpectedly delayed by a toilet that won't flush. "I'm really starting off the day in great shape," you think. You get dressed and start the coffeemaker to give you a bit of a jolt, but when you come back to the kitchen there is hot water and coffee grounds all over the table. The filter must have clogged up again. You're beginning to think that this is a bad dream. But it's not over. You open the door to grab the morning paper and glance at the news before leaving for work but . . . no paper! You look to the left, to the right. Did someone take your paper? Did they forget to deliver it? No time to speculate further. Got to get to work. As you drive down the highway to work, you're thinking about how rough the morning has been when suddenly—the person driving in the next lane changes lanes, cutting you off and almost running you off the road. When you arrive at work your heart is still racing and you take every opportunity to share your "frustrating" morning with your colleagues.What a relief it will be when this day is over!
If you've ever had a day when everything seems to go wrong you can probably sympathize with the subject of this story. It's understandable that he or she would feel frustrated and perhaps conclude that the world is a pretty unfriendly place.
To understand the relationship between attention and gratitude we need to turn the story around. Imagine a day when . . . .
• the alarm works perfectly
• the toilet flushes just the way it's supposed to
• the coffeemaker produces a hot, aromatic cup of coffee
• your morning paper is waiting outside your door
• no other car crashes into you or cuts you off on the way to work
Now what happens? Do you arrive at work feeling overwhelmed with gratitude—with an attitude of appreciation for all the people and things that are supporting you on this glorious morning?
Probably not.
Most likely your attention has identified and attached itself to some other set of problems. If there's no particular problem going on that morning, your mind may ruminate about something that happened in the past or anticipate some difficulty that may occur in the future. It is common for our attention to focus on the problems and difficulties we are facing because we have to pay attention to such challenges in order to resolve them. Unfortunately we can develop a "habit of attention" in which we fail to notice the many things that are supporting our existence—our health, our work, our family, and our comfort. The more this "habit of attention" has developed, the less likely we will be able to experience gratitude.
Many years ago I had an experience hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I hiked up a rocky trail that went through a dense forest of pine, hemlock and maple. But I was regularly forced to take detours because trees and tree limbs had fallen and blocked my way. I was frustrated by the constant obstacles and my mind became more and more agitated. When I reached the top of the trail I found a beautiful rock outcropping with an extraordinary view, but my mind continued to ruminate over the difficulties I faced on my hike. However, I began to wonder whether my attention had been so absorbed in my feelings of frustration that I had missed something. I vaguely remembered that there were a couple of places where I had noticed the "cut" ends of logs on either side of the trail—obviously someone had removed the section of the tree blocking the path with a chain saw. So on my way down I did some research. For a period of time I kept track of every tree or limb that was in my way. But I also made a special effort to count the cases where it was clear that someone had removed this fallen timber. At the end of my sample period, I counted 42 obstacles, but I found that there were at least 47 instances where trees had been removed to make my journey easier. This was more than a lesson about trees—it was a lesson about life. And it led to a maxim that is one of several maxims we use to teach Japanese psychology: Your experience of life is not based on your life, but on what you pay attention to.
I discovered more about the connection between gratitude and attention when I discovered a Japanese method of self-reflection called Naikan (like the name of the camera). The word Naikan means "inside looking" or "inside observation." This method of self-reflection is primarily based on three questions:
• What have I received from others?
• What have I given to others?
• What troubles and difficulties have I caused others?
As you can see these questions are very simple. When I participated in a 14-day retreat in Japan in 1989, these questions became the framework for me to reflect on my entire life. I reflected on each stage of my life and on every person who had played a meaningful role in my life since my birth (my mom, dad, grandparents, teachers, friends, colleagues, ex-girlfriends, etc. . .) When I stepped back from my life and began quietly reflecting on everything that had been done for me and given to me (question #1) I was surprised, overwhelmed and deeply moved by how much I had received in my life. The day I left that retreat I felt more cared for, loved, and supported than ever before. It was as if I had a blood transfusion and gratitude was now simply flowing through my veins and arteries. I had learned to notice what I had not been noticing. Through self-reflection I had learned about attention and gratitude.
That two-week Naikan retreat inspired me to return to Japan many times to investigate, in more depth, the Japanese art and practice of self-reflection called Naikan. I have yet to discover a more profound method for cultivating gratitude and reshaping our attitude and understanding of our lives.
Many people assume that they would naturally be more grateful, if only their problems would go away and their lives would improve. But research, as well as observation, shows that gratitude is not a function of our circumstances. Nor can we use our willpower or our intellect to cultivate an authentic sense of appreciation.
It is rare to meet a person who is truly grateful. Most people don't really appreciate what they have until it's gone. But it's quite common to meet someone who is good at complaining. We can complain about the dreadful condition of our economy—but, in fact, we also complained when the economy was healthy.
Gratitude, attention, self-reflection—these are qualities worth cultivating, for they allow us to understand and appreciate our lives while we still have the opportunity to do so. At one level, they shed light on the mysteries of grace and faith. And, at another level, they make us truly grateful for our own miraculous capacity to hear an alarm clock and see the sunlight as we open our eyes each morning.
Your eyes are still closed when you hear the beeping of your digital alarm clock on the small wooden table next to your bed. Your arm naturally reaches over for the black "snooze alarm" button when you notice that it's 30 minutes past the time when you intended to get up. What's wrong with this clock? Now you have to rush, but in a matter of minutes you find yourself unexpectedly delayed by a toilet that won't flush. "I'm really starting off the day in great shape," you think. You get dressed and start the coffeemaker to give you a bit of a jolt, but when you come back to the kitchen there is hot water and coffee grounds all over the table. The filter must have clogged up again. You're beginning to think that this is a bad dream. But it's not over. You open the door to grab the morning paper and glance at the news before leaving for work but . . . no paper! You look to the left, to the right. Did someone take your paper? Did they forget to deliver it? No time to speculate further. Got to get to work. As you drive down the highway to work, you're thinking about how rough the morning has been when suddenly—the person driving in the next lane changes lanes, cutting you off and almost running you off the road. When you arrive at work your heart is still racing and you take every opportunity to share your "frustrating" morning with your colleagues.What a relief it will be when this day is over!
If you've ever had a day when everything seems to go wrong you can probably sympathize with the subject of this story. It's understandable that he or she would feel frustrated and perhaps conclude that the world is a pretty unfriendly place.
To understand the relationship between attention and gratitude we need to turn the story around. Imagine a day when . . . .
• the alarm works perfectly
• the toilet flushes just the way it's supposed to
• the coffeemaker produces a hot, aromatic cup of coffee
• your morning paper is waiting outside your door
• no other car crashes into you or cuts you off on the way to work
Now what happens? Do you arrive at work feeling overwhelmed with gratitude—with an attitude of appreciation for all the people and things that are supporting you on this glorious morning?
Probably not.
Most likely your attention has identified and attached itself to some other set of problems. If there's no particular problem going on that morning, your mind may ruminate about something that happened in the past or anticipate some difficulty that may occur in the future. It is common for our attention to focus on the problems and difficulties we are facing because we have to pay attention to such challenges in order to resolve them. Unfortunately we can develop a "habit of attention" in which we fail to notice the many things that are supporting our existence—our health, our work, our family, and our comfort. The more this "habit of attention" has developed, the less likely we will be able to experience gratitude.
Many years ago I had an experience hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I hiked up a rocky trail that went through a dense forest of pine, hemlock and maple. But I was regularly forced to take detours because trees and tree limbs had fallen and blocked my way. I was frustrated by the constant obstacles and my mind became more and more agitated. When I reached the top of the trail I found a beautiful rock outcropping with an extraordinary view, but my mind continued to ruminate over the difficulties I faced on my hike. However, I began to wonder whether my attention had been so absorbed in my feelings of frustration that I had missed something. I vaguely remembered that there were a couple of places where I had noticed the "cut" ends of logs on either side of the trail—obviously someone had removed the section of the tree blocking the path with a chain saw. So on my way down I did some research. For a period of time I kept track of every tree or limb that was in my way. But I also made a special effort to count the cases where it was clear that someone had removed this fallen timber. At the end of my sample period, I counted 42 obstacles, but I found that there were at least 47 instances where trees had been removed to make my journey easier. This was more than a lesson about trees—it was a lesson about life. And it led to a maxim that is one of several maxims we use to teach Japanese psychology: Your experience of life is not based on your life, but on what you pay attention to.
I discovered more about the connection between gratitude and attention when I discovered a Japanese method of self-reflection called Naikan (like the name of the camera). The word Naikan means "inside looking" or "inside observation." This method of self-reflection is primarily based on three questions:
• What have I received from others?
• What have I given to others?
• What troubles and difficulties have I caused others?
As you can see these questions are very simple. When I participated in a 14-day retreat in Japan in 1989, these questions became the framework for me to reflect on my entire life. I reflected on each stage of my life and on every person who had played a meaningful role in my life since my birth (my mom, dad, grandparents, teachers, friends, colleagues, ex-girlfriends, etc. . .) When I stepped back from my life and began quietly reflecting on everything that had been done for me and given to me (question #1) I was surprised, overwhelmed and deeply moved by how much I had received in my life. The day I left that retreat I felt more cared for, loved, and supported than ever before. It was as if I had a blood transfusion and gratitude was now simply flowing through my veins and arteries. I had learned to notice what I had not been noticing. Through self-reflection I had learned about attention and gratitude.
That two-week Naikan retreat inspired me to return to Japan many times to investigate, in more depth, the Japanese art and practice of self-reflection called Naikan. I have yet to discover a more profound method for cultivating gratitude and reshaping our attitude and understanding of our lives.
Many people assume that they would naturally be more grateful, if only their problems would go away and their lives would improve. But research, as well as observation, shows that gratitude is not a function of our circumstances. Nor can we use our willpower or our intellect to cultivate an authentic sense of appreciation.
It is rare to meet a person who is truly grateful. Most people don't really appreciate what they have until it's gone. But it's quite common to meet someone who is good at complaining. We can complain about the dreadful condition of our economy—but, in fact, we also complained when the economy was healthy.
Gratitude, attention, self-reflection—these are qualities worth cultivating, for they allow us to understand and appreciate our lives while we still have the opportunity to do so. At one level, they shed light on the mysteries of grace and faith. And, at another level, they make us truly grateful for our own miraculous capacity to hear an alarm clock and see the sunlight as we open our eyes each morning.
# posted by goots @ 10:03 AM 
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Stumbled across your blog. (Okay, I'm lying, just found out that you no longer live in the states and googled "san miguel" and Mike Goot!) I have printed out this post and put it above my desk.
Good for you. Good for Karen.
Jennifer
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Good for you. Good for Karen.
Jennifer
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